On a whim, I asked devorah to send me some of her new poetry...
The tears had to come tonight
They would only accept poetry
Or else lay buried under the frost
Of going on...
In this time of
He's gone now
And the bed requires me
To sleep with my baby's stuffed elephant
But still I don't sleep
In the big, dark silence
I remember things that we created
Together when we were excited
To just be
Together
I've been telling my friends
I'm doing okay
I'm done
I've grieved enough already
All these months
Of living inside his ambivalence
All the days and nights
Rocking nursing crying
Hoping sadness
Would not seep into
My perfect child
Who's joy is so contagious
It makes other people glow
These are the days of going on
Watching my baby become a little boy
Now when he plays hide and seek with the cloth napkin
He covers my head too - both of us inside the secret
And smiles at me with such shining knowing
I wonder if he knows his papa doesn't live here anymore.
His body is getting so long as he falls asleep in my arms
Arms that are really just extensions of my heart that has spread into them taking over
I asked her to send me some poems tonight
I must of known I needed to cry.
